Factors causing failed marriages

Failed Marriages

Often times, we hear about failed marriages on the internet, television, radio and other social media platforms. When certain factors (which I will write about in this article) are prevalent in a marriage, then the likelihood of a potential divorce or separation is imminent in such marriage.

Note: Divorce and separation are not the same thing.

• A divorce is the legal termination of marriage by a competent body. It is also called the dissolution of marriage.
• A separation in marriage (or marital separation) is said to occur when the husband live apart from his wife (or vice versa) because the marriage isn’t just working for some reasons.

  However, some persons are of the opinion that separation in marriage is a step towards marital reconciliation.

A failed marriage is a marriage whereby the relationship between the husband and wife fades away to an extent that the relationship cannot be restored.

You can read on conflicts, consequences and solutions to conflicts here.

Causes of Failed Marriages

Below are some of the factors or reasons that had led to failed marriages:

• Money

It is a fact that 'love' is the backbone of every marriage. However, money is obviously very important in marriage. However, it has contributed its own quota to failed marriages.

Every marriage has got its respective financial obligations. For instance, the man may be responsible for paying the children's school fee while the woman oversees that the electricity bills are always paid in due time.

Money may act as a stumbling block in marriage when the husband channels it to selfish acts like drunkenness, gambling, ponzi schemes and womanizing. If this is the case, then it’s only a matter of time before such marriage collapses.

Please read on disadvantages of money here.

Also, when a woman discovers in marriage that her husband lied about his financial capability prior to their marriage, she may say no to such marriage; even after the wedding had taken place.

• The child or children in marriage

Children are the joy of every marriage. A man must understand his role to his wife and his children. The same applies to the woman.

When a woman gives most or all her attention, time, energy and care to her children at the expense of her husband, such a woman is passively creating a division in the family.

Always remember that marriage is meant to be an act of unification and not division.

You can read on the forms of marriage here.

It is paramount to state that a woman must be wise towards loving her husband as well as the children simultaneously without any unhealthy overlap.

• Infatuation

Some people think they are in love; but in reality, they are not.

In infatuation, a person isn't true to himself or herself. Such person only act out of the figment of his/her own imagination. In this regard, I have once heard from a young man (who thought of himself to be in love) say:

• I love this lady because she’s 'fair in complexion'.

Regarding the above statement, such love confessions may actually be thought to originate from the lover's heart; but the truth is

• Being fair in complexion may be criteria towards loving a person but love goes beyond fairness. Love is skin deep.

You can read on the prodigal son and loving father here.

Couples who got married as a result of infatuation are likely to end up saying:

We are not just made for each other.

• Third party

Third parties in marriages include a marriage counselor, pastor, mother-in-law, father-in-law and so on. They can be very beneficial to one's marriage and can even save the marriage in times of crisis. Ironically, some of the aforementioned third parties who are supposed to mend the cracks in a marriage can actually become the destroyers of such marriages.

You can read on values here.

Also, yielding to the advice and counsels from some so-called friends and native doctors has led to the breakup of many marriages.

• Nagging

According to the holy book, it is better to live in the desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife.

Understand that a home can never be in peace as long as one of the partners remain the nagging type.

The virtues of patience, tolerance and perseverance are tested through this provocative act of nagging; but as we know, there is always a limit to human endurance.

You can read on the attributes of God here.

As time goes on, the relationship gradually fades away until such marriage eventually crashes.

• Believing you can change your spouse in marriage

Some persons will argue that it worked for them. Regardless, my candid advice is:

Don’t go into a marriage believing you will change your spouse after you eventually get married to him or her.

There is this saying that 'A horse can be forced to the river but it cannot be forced into drinking the water from the river'.

If one cannot change their spouse before marriage (when the man or woman is supposed to be in love), then the probability of changing him or her during marriage is even much lower. For this reason, many marriages had failed because of this unwise act.

You can read on self-esteem here.

• Pride

Pride is considered the deadliest of sins and it goes before a fall.

Some of the core factors in a successful marriage are humility and forgiveness. Meanwhile, understand that marriage cannot exist without forgiveness.

If the couples (or one of the marriage partners) becomes full of pride towards the other, then I can categorically tell you that such marriage will not last long.

Understand that pride is a capital sin that gives birth to various other sins. For example; lies, hate, revenge, anger, insults and so on.

Please read on the consequences of Adam and Eve's disobedience here.

A marriage that has all of these vices will definitely crash.

• Sex

Do you know that sex enhancement drugs generate lots of sale for those who market them? The reason is not farfetched because it is crucial to marriage. Infact, some will tell you that marriage is consummated in sex.

Failure to deal with problems regarding sexual frequency and quality will gradually lead to unfaithfulness, infidelity and other immoral acts. Unfaithfulness on the other hand is a catalyst to failed marriages.

Note: Sex is crucial to every successful marriage.

You can read on the male reproductive system here.